Aubrey Lea Gates was born June 12, 2015 at 6:51p via a vaginal delivery. She lived for 49 minutes and went to be with Jesus at 7:40p. The following is an account of our day...
We got to the hospital at about 4:00a. The original plan was to not have her heart beat on the monitor, so we wouldn't make any decisions that would compromise me based on a "bad strip" or drops in her heart rate. But I couldn't do it. My life is spent in and out of L&D suites, and coupled with being in those rooms is the constant, beautiful sound of the babies heart beat. It was way to quiet in our room without her heart beat. So I said, leave it on. I left it up to my capable partners to know if and when to turn it off. **SPOILER ALERT** She looked awesome!! Picture perfect strip the whole labor.
I got one dose of cytotec to kick the process off. That stuff (if you get the good batch...tehe) is legit! I was contracting and hurting within an hour. So I went ahead and got my epidural. God bless those of you who do this without them, but God also bless modern medicine. And Robbie, the CRNA who put in my epidural and Steven, the CRNA who managed it all day.
At around 8a, Bridget, my partner, came to break my water. This was one thing that was making us both nervous going in to my induction. For those of you who AREN'T Ob/Gyns, when you have a large amount of fluid, when your water breaks you are at risk for things such as placenta abruption, cord prolapse or the baby flipping positions. None of these things would be good...however, I trusted Bridget totally so I wasn't worried in that moment at all. She made a very small hole with a spinal needle...and the river flowed!!!! Apparently there was a lot of fluid :). But sweet girls head came right down, no cord, no abruption, no problems. Good work B!
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur with visitors and slow labor progress. We had so many sweet friends and family. It was perfect. My mind was kind of going crazy, so I was happy for the revolving door of people. I would even take a snooze while listening to everyone talk around us. I loved it. Jen (my best friend) and Josh put a stop to it at some point, so I would sleep ;). I didn't sleep too much though....Didn't want to miss a moment of my girls birthday.
Kye was a rockstar all day. My dad kept him at home in the morning and he came to visit me around lunch. Wasn't even phased by me in a hospital bed. That's the kid of a doctor for you. He has rounded with me numerous weekends...so as far as he was concerned it was just another day at mommy's office. Fil (my father in law...John to most of you) took over at nap time and took him to my in-laws where he always sleeps like a boss. He showed back up around 5 (after he finally woke up!) and was a total champion through the rest of the process.
I am not a fast laborer, apparently. With Kye my water broke at 330a, started Pitocin at 8a and I did not deliver him until 11:23p that night. With Aubs, I started the process at 5a and didn't deliver until almost 7. So much for being more speedy with the second. It was a long day, and for a little while, I think we were all worried she was not gonna fit. Her sweet head took a while to descend. But at one point, Cindy (my amazing sweet nurse and friend) checked me and said with so much joy and honesty, "Talia, your 8! and I can feel all the way around her head...I think she is gonna fit! She is gonna fit!" The next time B checked me, she agreed. Finally, at about 5 or 530p, I was complete! Time to push.
Pushing her out, I can say without a doubt, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had epidural issues all day (not because of placement, because of some crazy anatomy I have), but it was working great at time of pushing and I couldn't feel to push her. So I (micromanaging my own care) had them back off on the rate of the epidural. BIG MISTAKE. I started to feel it alright! HA! About 30 minutes later I was begging them to turn it back up! My mind kept saying "don't do it! don't push her out, just keep her inside! she is safe there" but my body was in so much pain, only relieved by pushing. I was fighting for every push. At some point, I really didn't know if I could do it. Bridget and Lorissia, both of my partners were right there encouraging me. Josh was amazing, so strong. My nurses Cindy and Lauren were total cheerleaders. I couldn't have done it without each of them. Turns out she was OP (sunny side up) which makes it much harder to push out vaginally and her final head circumference was consistent with a 41 week size head (she was only 36 weeks). I needed an episiotomy, but finally, at 651p she came out.
She was ALIVE! Reese handed her to Josh so he could finishing pulling her out. Josh put her on my chest. And Aubrey cried!! SHE CRIED! We were able to hear her sweet voice. And then even more beautiful, she opened her eyes and looked at us. Perfection. At that moment, all I felt was peace. True peace that I hadn't felt since I realized her legs weren't growing back in February.
Josh was truly in-tune with her from the moment she was born. She would just gaze into his eyes. Her tiny hand grabbed his huge finger. A true daddy's girl :). He somehow knew we wouldn't have much time. Not long after she was born, he said "We have to get Kye!" He ran out of the room and got Aubrey's big brother. Kye was also smitten. He climbed right into bed with me and said "Hey Aubs!" He then sang her Happy Birthday. Sweetest sound ever. She also gazed into her big brothers eyes. He loved on her, kissed her and was SO happy to be with her. I will forever cherish that moment that we were a family of four here on earth.
Josh then brought Kye out and said we had to get our parents. All four of Aubrey's grandparents came in and saw their beautiful granddaughter. They each got to hold her and see her open her eyes. I am so happy they got to meet her!
Josh and I then had our moment alone with her. Everyone left the room, on Josh's wise request. We then just held her and told her how much we loved her. At 740p with her earthly daddy holding her, she went to be with our heavenly Father. It was the most beautiful 49 minutes of my life.
After she passed away, our brothers and sisters that were there came in to see her. My best friends Sheena (who got there right as she was born), Sashi and Jen were all there too. They each were so supportive and patient all day. I am glad that they got to see her.
We then got her foot and handprints, bathed her and put her sweet clothes on. We went to our room, were she stayed with us. This was made possible by HALO (Hope After Loss Organization) and their donation of a cuddle cot, which is a cooling blanket, allowing her body to stay with us overnight. This may seem weird to some. But it truly eased the transition for me. And I could still hold her, memorize the weight of her in my hands. Memorize her sweet little features.
Some fun tid-bits of the day. My sweet friends Sam and Andy Byars brought our whole crew lunch, so no one had to leave. Thanks friends! Several people (Paige and Crystal) brought Kye toys which was so sweet and amazing. It was 4 week old Charli's longest time away from her momma, Reese. She didn't like it. Ha. Paige, Ashley and Kayla, some of my sweet office girls, stayed with Charli until Aubs came in the world, allowing Reese to be there to deliver me. My dad sat outside the labor room listening to the whole pushing process. He ran to the waiting room after she was born and said "She's here! I heard her cry!" (He was right outside my room for Kye too...so this was very special and sentimental). At this point everyone came to stand outside the room to listen. Many heard her cry. Jen said when she heard my voice, it was the first time I had sounded like myself since we found out her diagnosis. As I said earlier...peace, peace that passes all understanding.
This post will only be about her birthday. Highlighting her beautiful, perfect day. I will post soon about all the emotions that have surrounded all of this. I just wanted y'all to hear her birth story. Thank you for all of the prayers. The day could not have gone better or been more perfect. We got everything that we could have wanted. Of course I wish she was laying beside me right now, but that was not the story that God had for her.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful!" Hebrews 10: 23
"Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say 'It is well with my soul'."
It is well sweet friends, it is well.
XOXO
We got to the hospital at about 4:00a. The original plan was to not have her heart beat on the monitor, so we wouldn't make any decisions that would compromise me based on a "bad strip" or drops in her heart rate. But I couldn't do it. My life is spent in and out of L&D suites, and coupled with being in those rooms is the constant, beautiful sound of the babies heart beat. It was way to quiet in our room without her heart beat. So I said, leave it on. I left it up to my capable partners to know if and when to turn it off. **SPOILER ALERT** She looked awesome!! Picture perfect strip the whole labor.
I got one dose of cytotec to kick the process off. That stuff (if you get the good batch...tehe) is legit! I was contracting and hurting within an hour. So I went ahead and got my epidural. God bless those of you who do this without them, but God also bless modern medicine. And Robbie, the CRNA who put in my epidural and Steven, the CRNA who managed it all day.
At around 8a, Bridget, my partner, came to break my water. This was one thing that was making us both nervous going in to my induction. For those of you who AREN'T Ob/Gyns, when you have a large amount of fluid, when your water breaks you are at risk for things such as placenta abruption, cord prolapse or the baby flipping positions. None of these things would be good...however, I trusted Bridget totally so I wasn't worried in that moment at all. She made a very small hole with a spinal needle...and the river flowed!!!! Apparently there was a lot of fluid :). But sweet girls head came right down, no cord, no abruption, no problems. Good work B!
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur with visitors and slow labor progress. We had so many sweet friends and family. It was perfect. My mind was kind of going crazy, so I was happy for the revolving door of people. I would even take a snooze while listening to everyone talk around us. I loved it. Jen (my best friend) and Josh put a stop to it at some point, so I would sleep ;). I didn't sleep too much though....Didn't want to miss a moment of my girls birthday.
Kye was a rockstar all day. My dad kept him at home in the morning and he came to visit me around lunch. Wasn't even phased by me in a hospital bed. That's the kid of a doctor for you. He has rounded with me numerous weekends...so as far as he was concerned it was just another day at mommy's office. Fil (my father in law...John to most of you) took over at nap time and took him to my in-laws where he always sleeps like a boss. He showed back up around 5 (after he finally woke up!) and was a total champion through the rest of the process.
I am not a fast laborer, apparently. With Kye my water broke at 330a, started Pitocin at 8a and I did not deliver him until 11:23p that night. With Aubs, I started the process at 5a and didn't deliver until almost 7. So much for being more speedy with the second. It was a long day, and for a little while, I think we were all worried she was not gonna fit. Her sweet head took a while to descend. But at one point, Cindy (my amazing sweet nurse and friend) checked me and said with so much joy and honesty, "Talia, your 8! and I can feel all the way around her head...I think she is gonna fit! She is gonna fit!" The next time B checked me, she agreed. Finally, at about 5 or 530p, I was complete! Time to push.
Pushing her out, I can say without a doubt, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had epidural issues all day (not because of placement, because of some crazy anatomy I have), but it was working great at time of pushing and I couldn't feel to push her. So I (micromanaging my own care) had them back off on the rate of the epidural. BIG MISTAKE. I started to feel it alright! HA! About 30 minutes later I was begging them to turn it back up! My mind kept saying "don't do it! don't push her out, just keep her inside! she is safe there" but my body was in so much pain, only relieved by pushing. I was fighting for every push. At some point, I really didn't know if I could do it. Bridget and Lorissia, both of my partners were right there encouraging me. Josh was amazing, so strong. My nurses Cindy and Lauren were total cheerleaders. I couldn't have done it without each of them. Turns out she was OP (sunny side up) which makes it much harder to push out vaginally and her final head circumference was consistent with a 41 week size head (she was only 36 weeks). I needed an episiotomy, but finally, at 651p she came out.
She was ALIVE! Reese handed her to Josh so he could finishing pulling her out. Josh put her on my chest. And Aubrey cried!! SHE CRIED! We were able to hear her sweet voice. And then even more beautiful, she opened her eyes and looked at us. Perfection. At that moment, all I felt was peace. True peace that I hadn't felt since I realized her legs weren't growing back in February.
Josh was truly in-tune with her from the moment she was born. She would just gaze into his eyes. Her tiny hand grabbed his huge finger. A true daddy's girl :). He somehow knew we wouldn't have much time. Not long after she was born, he said "We have to get Kye!" He ran out of the room and got Aubrey's big brother. Kye was also smitten. He climbed right into bed with me and said "Hey Aubs!" He then sang her Happy Birthday. Sweetest sound ever. She also gazed into her big brothers eyes. He loved on her, kissed her and was SO happy to be with her. I will forever cherish that moment that we were a family of four here on earth.
Josh then brought Kye out and said we had to get our parents. All four of Aubrey's grandparents came in and saw their beautiful granddaughter. They each got to hold her and see her open her eyes. I am so happy they got to meet her!
Josh and I then had our moment alone with her. Everyone left the room, on Josh's wise request. We then just held her and told her how much we loved her. At 740p with her earthly daddy holding her, she went to be with our heavenly Father. It was the most beautiful 49 minutes of my life.
After she passed away, our brothers and sisters that were there came in to see her. My best friends Sheena (who got there right as she was born), Sashi and Jen were all there too. They each were so supportive and patient all day. I am glad that they got to see her.
We then got her foot and handprints, bathed her and put her sweet clothes on. We went to our room, were she stayed with us. This was made possible by HALO (Hope After Loss Organization) and their donation of a cuddle cot, which is a cooling blanket, allowing her body to stay with us overnight. This may seem weird to some. But it truly eased the transition for me. And I could still hold her, memorize the weight of her in my hands. Memorize her sweet little features.
Some fun tid-bits of the day. My sweet friends Sam and Andy Byars brought our whole crew lunch, so no one had to leave. Thanks friends! Several people (Paige and Crystal) brought Kye toys which was so sweet and amazing. It was 4 week old Charli's longest time away from her momma, Reese. She didn't like it. Ha. Paige, Ashley and Kayla, some of my sweet office girls, stayed with Charli until Aubs came in the world, allowing Reese to be there to deliver me. My dad sat outside the labor room listening to the whole pushing process. He ran to the waiting room after she was born and said "She's here! I heard her cry!" (He was right outside my room for Kye too...so this was very special and sentimental). At this point everyone came to stand outside the room to listen. Many heard her cry. Jen said when she heard my voice, it was the first time I had sounded like myself since we found out her diagnosis. As I said earlier...peace, peace that passes all understanding.
This post will only be about her birthday. Highlighting her beautiful, perfect day. I will post soon about all the emotions that have surrounded all of this. I just wanted y'all to hear her birth story. Thank you for all of the prayers. The day could not have gone better or been more perfect. We got everything that we could have wanted. Of course I wish she was laying beside me right now, but that was not the story that God had for her.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful!" Hebrews 10: 23
"Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say 'It is well with my soul'."
It is well sweet friends, it is well.
XOXO
Sweet, beautiful Aubrey. Crying as I read her perfect birth story and how wonderful her little life was. I'm so glad so many prayers were answered and we continue to pray for peace and healing for your family. Much love!
ReplyDeleteSweet, beautiful Aubrey. Crying as I read her perfect birth story and how wonderful her little life was. I'm so glad so many prayers were answered and we continue to pray for peace and healing for your family. Much love!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing something so personal and sensitive. Much love to you all
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt was an honor to be a part of this day
ReplyDeleteYour unwavering faith and praise throughout this process has truly been amazing to watch. I feel so blessed to be able to see how He made your day perfect and was a beacon of light through suffering. Congratulations on an amazing day and memories that are truly precious! This is a huge testament of His love and grace pouring out of a family that loves Him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this and sharing your strength with others. It gives others who have suffered loss hope. Your daughter is the picture of absolute beauty.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story with everyone. I have been checking for updates and thinking of you and your family often. Your faith and courage is wonderful and so encouraging to others. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your story. I am so struck by your courage, faith and positivity. You are an inspiration. Thinking of you and your family and sending you prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your story and blog, followed your families journey :) have been thinking of you and how strong you are what a role model you have been ! God bless you and your family always :)
ReplyDeleteI am an ultrasound tech at a Maternal Fetal Medicine Testing center in Buffalo, New York. I cried when I read your story because we see so many dreams shattered each day. Your story breaks my heart. I have suffered personally through a miscarriage and I kept shaking my head YES when you mentioned a few times that having this diagnosis and ultimate loss of your daughter makes you a better mom and Doctor. My miscarriage was before the birth of my 8 year old. I still think about it to this day. Was it a boy? Was it a girl? And this has definitely made me a better practitioner of ultrasound in OB/GYN, a mom and a friend. Life is precious and you captured the feelings of many women in this post. Blessings and God speed emotional recovery for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am an ultrasound tech at a Maternal Fetal Medicine Testing center in Buffalo, New York. I cried when I read your story because we see so many dreams shattered each day. Your story breaks my heart. I have suffered personally through a miscarriage and I kept shaking my head YES when you mentioned a few times that having this diagnosis and ultimate loss of your daughter makes you a better mom and Doctor. My miscarriage was before the birth of my 8 year old. I still think about it to this day. Was it a boy? Was it a girl? And this has definitely made me a better practitioner of ultrasound in OB/GYN, a mom and a friend. Life is precious and you captured the feelings of many women in this post. Blessings and God speed emotional recovery for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteAubrey is blessed to have such amazing parents! Your strength, faith, corsage and love for your daughter are truly inspirational! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Continue to be strong as a COUPLE for Aubrey & Kye!
ReplyDeleteThis story has touched my heart in more ways then one. Your strength and faith is encouraging. I suffered a pregnancy loss in 2008 it was hard, but I had to be strong for my husband and daughters. Ironically my youngest daughter who is 8 now,name is Aubrey and her birthday is June 12 2007.God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI just read your story on Facebook and it was so touching. You are such beautiful parents and I know you all will get that joy again. May God Bless you and your husband and son.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. You are both amazing parents, and I know you will be reunited with your beautiful daughter one day. Your faith and courage and strength through this is so inspiring. May God continue to bless you and your lovely family.
ReplyDelete