I know its been awhile since I have posted...but you know how life goes! I promise to stay more in touch. Since my last post, we have had another appointment and we have gone through the Easter holiday (already my personal favorite, but especially special this year). Also, I am now 28 weeks pregnant...almost to the third trimester.
Also, she has me WILDLY uncomfortable. Usually, as an OBGYN, I encourage mommas through this part with "but it's all worth it in the end" or "but look at the reward!" For us, it sure is hard to take that same perspective. I guess, if I have been angry at all, it's over this fact: That all this discomfort, sleepless nights, reflux, loss of appetite, weight gain, stretch marks...I feel like it's not worth it. I know in my head that her life already has meaning. And I love her to pieces. But, I have to constantly remind myself that it is ALL for Gods purpose. If even not in the conventional sense of having her grow up with me. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like she is on loan, like I have to give her back as soon as I see her. I keep telling Josh "I just want to keep her!"
At our appointment we learned that, basically, all is going as expected. Aubrey is still happy in her little home. Her legs, arms and chest haven't grown at all since we last saw the MFM. Her chest is now less than the 5th percentile. Her heart, although it is taking up most of the space in her chest, is still going strong and looking good. Very little lung tissue is still able to be seen, but there still is some!! Her head has gotten a bigger (measuring 3-5 weeks ahead) but all brain structures still look great. Macrocephaly (big head) is not uncommon in TD. It has something to do with their bone structures. The only concern with this would be that she wouldn't fit for a vaginal delivery, but Dr. B says that her head isn't large enough yet for that to be a concern. Also, my amniotic fluid is on the high end of normal at 23 (normal is 5-23), which is to be expected with Aubs condition. Amniotic fluid is circulated by babies swallowing and breathing it in and then urinating it out. As her chest gets proportionally smaller, it gets harder for her to breath and swallow, therefore leaving my fluid high. The concerns with this are preterm contractions, preterm delivery, early rupture of membranes (water breaking) and just general discomfort for me. All in all, things are progressing exactly as the MFM anticipated. Same prognosis, and even each time he see me, he is even more confident of the diagnosis. But she was rocking and rolling in there and gave us some great looks. Little girl is super photogenic, looks so much like her big brother and is always opening and closing her mouth. I guess she has lots to say. ☺️
The third trimester had brought some interesting challenges emotionally and physically. I feel like I am nearing the end, which is usually exciting, but for us it is simply terrifying. We are trying to cherish each moment, every kick. She kicks the very most when Kye is talking to her and when her Granddaddy is preaching. Kye is also very into all of the pregnancy and loves to come and see his baby sister at my office.
Also, she has me WILDLY uncomfortable. Usually, as an OBGYN, I encourage mommas through this part with "but it's all worth it in the end" or "but look at the reward!" For us, it sure is hard to take that same perspective. I guess, if I have been angry at all, it's over this fact: That all this discomfort, sleepless nights, reflux, loss of appetite, weight gain, stretch marks...I feel like it's not worth it. I know in my head that her life already has meaning. And I love her to pieces. But, I have to constantly remind myself that it is ALL for Gods purpose. If even not in the conventional sense of having her grow up with me. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel like she is on loan, like I have to give her back as soon as I see her. I keep telling Josh "I just want to keep her!"
That brings me to Easter. Our little family had a blast. We did the church Easter party and egg hunt with Josh's whole family and my partner and her kiddos. Everyone really enjoyed being together. Kye really got into the games and hunting for eggs. He also loves being with his cousins and his friends.
But more than anything, Easter was a beautiful reminder that Jesus conquered death. He CONQUERED it!! When he died on the cross, Death lost its powers. Death is not to be feared by us as believers. He said "It is finished". And that was it! Both physical and most importantly spiritual death (separation from GOD) were destroyed with those three words. WHAT FREEDOM! As one chorus states...
"No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand."
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand."
Also, I had never heard...or closely listened too...this particular verse of this popular hymn but it is perfect.
"How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives."
And life is worth the living...JUST because he lives. What a beautiful reminder that I need everyday.
Happy late Easter yall. He is risen. He is risen indeed.
